The Genuine Art of Making Love

By Great Sex Coach Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.

Is there really an art of making love? Yes, there truly is. Just because your in love doesn't mean you'll be a magnificent lover. But unlike some arts, this is an art that everyone can learn. It's easy and doesn't require any special tools.

The most satisfying lovemaking encompasses the body, mind and spirit and meets the physical emotional and spiritual needs of both partners. They are intertwined.

The Art of Making Love

Men and women have different needs and desires and so does each individual. With a new lover it takes time to get acquainted and really know what lights their fire.

Their particular preferences in lovemaking will most likely be different than your previous lover. In a long-term relationship the couple will be on a never ending journey of rediscovering their partner.

Needs and desires usually change over time. Each partner must understand their own desires and needs, express them to their lover and be equally interested in satisfying the needs of their partner to the best of their ability.

What do I mean by needs? Here's a few questions to ask yourself and when you know the answers be sure to share them with your partner.

What words do you need to hear before, during and after lovemaking?

Do you need silence or lots of verbal encouragement?

Where do you need touched and in what manner?

Do you need soft and gentle or wild and rough?

What sequence do you need touched?

Do you need kissing, if so when, where and how?

How do you need to be treated on a daily basis?

What arouses you?

What are your fantasies?

How often do you want to make love?

What positions do you prefer?

What techniques really do the trick?

Do you need or prefer oral, if so when and how often?

What do you need emotionally in your relationship?

Are your emotional needs being met?

Do you feel intimate and spiritually connected with your lover, if not, what do you need to make that happen?

What dampens your fire quicker than a spring downpour?

Needs will vary on different days. Sometimes you want a ride on the wild side and on other days a tender loving journey.

Why are needs so important to the art of making love? Because needs that go unmet breed anger, resentment, frustration and even depression, which if not resolved will erode the relationship. If your needs for stimulation, arousal and pleasure are not met, you can't have satisfying lovemaking experiences. This puts the couple at high risk for infidelity or at the very least someone who's feeling very dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

The real art of love making entails learning what the needs are of your partner and yourself, how they are different and how to meet them. It also involves learning to integrate a lovemaking mindset into your daily routine so that lovemaking isn't just an act that takes place on Friday night. Make love to your partner all the time by making your relationship a priority and nurturing it consistently.

No, I don't mean you're literally going to be wrapped naked in your lover's arms every minute of every day. But I am saying in order to achieve the phenomenal lovemaking pleasures you desire, the relationship must be valued and nurtured.

Cultivation of your art of making love is impacted by many things; the quality of your relationship deeply affects how satisfying your lovemaking will be and vice versa. Couple's who share electrifying lovemaking adventures develop a deeper bond and more meaningful relationship. Couple's who tend to their relationship with care, deepen their intimacy and appreciate their lover have more explosive sex.

Now that's not saying you won't have any fights. Of course not, that's not realistic. All couples fight, but it's "how" you fight that impacts your relationship. Conflict in a relationship that is not dealt with appropriately has the power to destroy your relationship. At the very least it has a huge impact on sexual desire and satisfaction.

It's very important to resolve any and all conflict in a timely manner. Don't bury it, avoid it, or deny it, because that only gives it the power to fester and then ooze out into the relationship in a very negative way. It is by expressing your feelings and working through the conflict that the negative impact of conflict gets expelled and hurts can be healed.

Now to truly master the art of love making it requires communication. Many couples struggle with communication, especially about matters of sex. Without a doubt communication is "the" most crucial element for not only how satisfying your lovemaking will be, but your whole relationship as well. Be very specific and detailed about what arouses you. Don't be afraid to be direct and speak honestly. It's impossible for your lover to know what brings you the most pleasure if you don't enlighten them.

Intimacy is another essential component in the authentic art of making love. Without intimacy a relationship will wither and die. Lovemaking will be shallow and unfulfilling. The more intimacy you share with your lover the deeper you get to know them, which enables you to be more effective in satisfying them sexually. Share with each other emotionally and intellectually. Allow your partner into the depths of your soul or spirit. The deeper your intimacy the better your lovemaking will be.

You can learn more hot tips for becoming a master in the art of making love and take your lover to new heights of pleasure in The Lovemaking Smorgasbord.

Someone who excels in the genuine art of love making is an astutely aware explorer who makes mental notes when making love. They pay attention to their partners cues and read their signals, by listening to the sounds their lover makes, how they are breathing, what words they say, what movements they respond to and then make adjustments accordingly.

They become adept at reading many of the needs of their lover and engage in selfless behaviors. These are behaviors that are done for the sole purpose of giving pleasure to their partner. They express affection on a regular basis, not just the moments prior to lovemaking. The expert in the art of making love is a giver more than a taker.

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