How to Talk Dirty
By Great Sex Coach Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
Communication is essential to great sex, but our words can also be used as a powerful aphrodisiac. When we learn the skill of what I call erotic communication, or most people know as how to talk dirty, it enhances our sexual pleasure, connects us more deeply with our lover and increases our passion. Erotic communication or dirty talk is not something that we should do just during the act of lovemaking; it is something we want to incorporate into part of our daily routine. The right erotic words at the right time can build a burning inferno, make your lover weak and breathless and enhance your orgasms immensely.
We can begin with little sensual, loving, erotic statements throughout the day where we tell our lover things such as:
"You felt wonderful last night."
"You have a gorgeous ass."
"I love your body."
"You're really important to me."
"You are so sexy and make me so excited."
"You're lips taste so good."
"You feel so good in my arms."
When we learn how to talk dirty and use it on a regular and frequent basis, we keep the flow of passion going and increase our intimacy.
To build that level of passion to a higher level we can call our lover at work and tell them either in person or on their voice mail something like this:
"Hey baby, tonight when you get home I can't wait to run my tongue up and down the length of your shaft. I'm thinking about you. See you tonight."
Or "Hello sweetheart just wanted to let you know I'm not wearing any panties and my pussy is so hot and wet. See you tonight."
Or as your lover is on the way out the door kiss them and tell them what delicious things you will be doing to their body when you see them again.
By planting these little erotic messages in their head it stays with them when they are away and they fantasize about it and then desires and passion mount and when you are together again it enhances your sexual experience together.
As we approach the act of lovemaking and during the act there are numerous words we can use to increase excitement, express our feelings and enhance our pleasure. We can tell our lover how much we want them, how attractive they are and how much we enjoy them. Phrases such as these can be very effective:
"You feel so good."
"You feel so fucking good."
"It turns me on when you lick me like that."
"I want you so bad."
"I want your cock inside me now."
"I love you."
"You're a fantastic lover."
Let your lover know how much you enjoy his penis or her vagina and how great it is.
"Oh baby, your cock feels so good."
"Oh sweetheart your pussy is so beautiful."
Whatever it is you are feeling, tell them. It will drive them wild.
We can also learn how to talk dirty so we can guide our lover to satisfy us more fully. To let them know what we want, what we like and what feels good, try some phrases like these: "Oh honey, that feels so good when you lick my nipples, but it would feel even better if you did it like this," and then show them what you want. Or, "That really feels great baby, but I would really love it if you would move your hand a little faster or slower," whatever the case may be. "Oh that feels fantastic, but can you touch me here" and guide your lover's hand where you need to be touched.
After sex we can use erotic words to complete the act, to leave each other satisfied and to enhance intimacy and closeness with phrases like these:
"That was great sweetheart, I particularly liked it when you did ..."
"Oh, sweetheart you are such a fantastic lover."
"Oh I love to make love with you or I love to fuck you," whatever you're in the mood for.
We can also use erotic moans, groans, ooohs, ahs, and yes's. These can be just as arousing as words themselves. They will give cues to your lover as to what you are enjoying. It is likewise a big turn on for your man to hear you make moans of pleasure when giving him oral. He loves to hear how much you enjoy him.
An important factor to keep in mind with erotic communication or when you learn how to talk dirty, is that each partner needs to know what words turn them on and to communicate this to the other. There are different styles of language for different people and what is erotic and stimulating for one can be a turn off for another. One person may want to hear this: "I want to make love with you" and another person may want to hear "I want to fuck you," or another person may want to hear "I want you so bad." Or the same person may want to hear all these different statements depending on what they are in the mood for at that particular time. Sometimes we want to make love and other times we want to fuck.
So it is very important to know and respect your lover's style and to let your lover know yours. Tell your lover what you want and ask them what they want to hear. Tell your lover to tell you: " Oh baby your pussy tastes so good" or "I love your pussy." If a particular word is offensive to you then inform your lover of that. For instance, I am offended by the word "cunt," it is a total turn off for me. If that word or any other word is offensive to you, then you need to let your lover know or it will interrupt your eroticism. If your lover enjoys words that are not erotic for you, then you should discuss this outside the bedroom and find mutually arousing words or you could agree on taking turns on saying what the other one wants to hear.
If learning how to talk dirty is new behavior for you, it may feel awkward at first, but with practice you will become more comfortable. You can try saying these words and statements when you are alone, out loud, to begin the process. Sometimes we may have negative associations with certain words and it may take some time to associate the words with something positive.
If you need a little guidance in this area or want to perfect your talking dirty skills and you're a woman, there's a fantastic little guide that I highly recommend called The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty." Within minutes you'll learn everything you need to know to have your man eating from your fingers.
As mentioned above, women have different needs and tastes in their dirty talk, so if you're a man, it's important to learn what pushes her buttons and there's a perfect little guide to help you out called, Dirty Talking for Lusty Sex" that will bring your woman to her knees.
Learn to caress your lover with words and the passion and desire between you will be blazing.