How to Prevent Infidelity

By Great Sex Coach Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.

If we do a Google search on the term "Infidelity" we come up with a bunch of sites that talk about how to cope with it, survive it, statistics on prevalence, forums for support, dealing with it, recovering from it, forgiving it, getting over it, how to prove it, how to catch a cheating lover, how to detect it and private investigators to help you catch them. You can even learn how to detect semen stains.

What I think is really sad, is that we don't see any sites talking about how to "Prevent it." Furthermore, according to Wordtracker, the most reliable source for finding what people search for on the Internet, it tells me that searches for the term "Prevent Infidelity," are non-existent. Not one person a month performs a search for this term.

I think we need to ask, why is that? Why aren't people interested in protecting their relationship from one of the most painful and potentially destructive forces it faces? Why are we willing to invest so much time and energy after the fact, and yet take no steps in advance to avoid it?

Prevent Infidelity

Infidelity can be prevented in most cases. Yes, sometimes it does just happen in a weak moment, but that is not the situation the majority of the time. For the most part it is something that develops over time and there are a variety of safeguards you can put into place that will at the very least decrease your risks quite significantly and quite possibly prevent it completely. If we put as much time and energy into preserving our relationships as we do into catching a cheater then we wouldn't have the need to catch them.

The key to bullet proof your relationship from infidelity lies in awareness and action.

The first mistake we make is not addressing the fact that all relationships are vulnerable to infidelity. It is a fact of life. Most of us go into love and commitment with a naive innocence. We have unrealistic expectations and believe that fidelity is an automatic given and then we're shocked when it occurs.

No, it is not unrealistic to expect fidelity, but it is unrealistic to think that it doesn't require work to preserve it. Most couples are wearing blinders and simply hope for the best. There is a false belief that because you love each other and are committed to one another that it won't happen to you.

So the first crucial step in preventing infidelity is to simply be aware of this reality. Develop a healthy respect for these facts and recognize that if a relationship does not receive ongoing adequate care and nurturing it is vulnerable to destructive forces.

Be Aware of Infidelity Risks

That covers some of the biggest factors involved in maintaining fidelity. However there are a few other risks to be on the look out for such as addiction, ego, mid-life crises, the grass always looks greener or adjusting to an empty nest. In the case of sexual addiction, it is beyond the scope of this discussion and a topic for another day. If it is a factor in your relationship, then professional help is needed.

Take Action to Prevent Infidelity

What we see here is that simply hoping you will never face an unfaithful partner, is not an effective means of protection. You must take action to build a strong and honest relationship that is resistant to infidelity.

For couples of every age it is essential to understand the opposite sex and their emotional and biological needs. Many couples are just winging it, but that isn't the solution. Make an attempt to understand your partners needs and meet them to the best of your ability. Compromise and find a middle ground - try it her way a little and his way a little.

Educate yourself. Go to the sexuality section of the bookstore or visit and get books that teach you about sexual response, human sexuality, relationships, communication, sexual health, passion and desire. Read, watch adult sex education videos, talk about it or get professional guidance.

Remain an adventurous and active participant in your sexual relationship - one who is always learning and growing. Try a new approach or explore uncharted territory. You can never learn it all, and as your relationship matures, changes happen. As you grow older and go through different phases, sexual and emotional needs change as well.

Make time for one another, communicate honestly and openly and always let your lover know they are loved, desired and appreciated.

Be aware and vigilant, invest in your relationship, cherish it and you can prevent infidelity.

Now, if you're looking for a great place to start, my book "The Lovemaking Smorgasbord - A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion & Fidelity has just what you need. It was designed specifically to address the issues we've talked about in this discussion. Whether you're male or female you'll find a delicious menu of tips to help you understand the needs of your partner more fully, inspire more passion and be a better lover.

Return from infidelity back to sexual health