Keeping Monogamy Hot and Sexy
By Great Sex Coach, Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
There comes a time in many long term monogamous relationships when the lust starts to fizzle and the wild, unbridled passion of those early days begins to feel like a nothing more than a distant memory. Some couples simply accept this bedroom boredom as the price you pay for love and support. Others risk everything by looking for passion elsewhere. But what if you could reclaim the wildness of those fiery first few months?
Keeping monogamy hot and sexy is not only possible; it's fun and playful, as well. Consider it a matter of mind over monotony. Start by making yourself, and your partner, the promise that you're going to do everything in your power to avoid the bleak sentence of a routine, twice a month roll in the sheets. Then implement these tips for breaking out of your rut and re-sparking the fire you once felt for each other:
Make Some Memories... Just like Cubs fans will lovingly reminisce about the Sandberg Game and women everywhere remember their prom dress with a wistful sigh, there are those moments in your sexual past that will always bring a smile to your face. It's essential that you and your significant other create some of these momentous memories to tantalize and remind you of how hot you still find each other.
When was your last scrapbook worthy sexy time? That quickie in the hotel bathroom during your cousin's wedding reception? The long, leisurely lovemaking session at sunset on the boat you rented during your last vacation? If it's been a while since you've added a chapter to the unfolding story of your long lasting love, then it's time to make a new memory ASAP that makes monogamy feel appreciated and desired, rather than just a vow to be upheld.
Set a Date... At least twice a month, make it a point to set a date night for the two of you. Get dressed up, no matter where you're going. Hold hands while waiting in line to pick up your pizza. Make out in the back of the theater like teenagers. Behaving the way you did when your relationship was new will remind you of those first date feelings, and the lust that accompanied them.
To heighten the entire date experience, add a touch of anticipation. Slip your honey a quick note in their briefcase or suit pocket, letting them know that you can't wait until this weekend. Or send a suggestive text message, complete with a saucy picture, in the middle of the work day to leave them thinking about you the rest of the day. During your date, pay attention to each other, not the world around you. Texting, checking email, and taking any non-emergency calls are strictly forbidden.
Get Wild and Crazy... One of the best parts of a monogamous, long term relationship is the fact that you've gotten comfortable with each other. You know each others' fantasies, wants and desires. Since you no longer have to worry about being embarrassed or laughed at, why not take advantage and try something completely wild, crazy and spontaneous? Send the kids to your mothers for the night, throw on a mini-skirt, and meet him at the door -- letting him know you want to be naughty. Or walk right up to your woman on a Sunday afternoon and tell her that you have to have her, right now... right here.
Trying new things is essential to keeping your sexual relationship fresh, regardless of how many years you've been together. If you're not quite ready to put on a French maid outfit or tie yourself to the bed for a ravaging, then start smaller. A crazy new position (up against the wall or bent over the back of the couch, perhaps?) some warming massage oil, or flavored body paint all make fun little jump starts to put more hot and sexy back into your monogamy.