By Great Sex Coach Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
If you're looking for orgasm secrets for women, you're not alone. One of the most common reasons that women come to me for consultation is the inability to orgasm.
I hear a lot of questions like these:
"Why can't I orgasm like other women?"
"What's wrong with me?"
They are often surprised when I tell them that they are like other women and there is nothing wrong with them.
You can find a variety of techniques specifically for pleasuring the woman in the The Lovemaking Smorgasbord". Written for couples just like you it helps you uncover the specific needs of your woman and your man.
The Most Vital Orgasm Secrets I can Share with You:
- Most women do not reach orgasm through intercourse.
Many couples struggle needlessly, believing that one of them is doing something wrong if they are not able to achieve this. Women have their best orgasms through oral sex. Intercourse doesn't usually provide proper stimulation for a woman to have orgasm.
It is very important for couple's to understand this so that she doesn't feel inadequate and he doesn't pressure her with unrealistic expectations. You can take the pressure off yourselves by allowing her to have her orgasms during oral or manual stimulation and he can have his orgasms during intercourse.
If you would like to experience your orgasm during intercourse, try stimulating your clitoris while having intercourse with a vibrator or your fingers or by experimenting with positions that stimulate the clitoris during intercourse such as: "the woman on top position" or "the riding high missionary position."
- Most women do not have multiple orgasms.
Although some women have this ability, it is not that common and even when it does occur it's not something that happens all the time.
- Most women do not reach orgasm easily or quickly.
If you males have been with lots of women who came quickly I'll let you in on another little orgasm secret - more than likely, these women were faking it to make you feel good. It just doesn't happen that often. It takes the woman a lot longer to reach optimal arousal than the male.
After further exploration with my women clients what I most often discover is that they have no problem having an orgasm when they masturbate. This tells us that their is not a problem biologically, or otherwise orgasm wouldn't be occurring at all.
The Basics of Orgasm Secrets
Both men and women think there are some big orgasm secrets that they don't know about, but most of the time it really boils down to a couple simple and basic issues.
The problem usually lies in one of two areas. It's either in technique, an issue in the relationship or a combination of both.
Orgasm Secrets #1 - Technique
Technique can involve both the partner and the woman. Orgasm is a joint project. The woman has to work with the man to reach climax. Many women don't understand their own anatomy and what it is they need physically and emotionally to achieve orgasm. A lot of men don't know how to satisfy their woman adequately and women are afraid to tell them.
It's pretty common for women to continue having an unsatisfying sex life and never mention it to her man. This is very counterproductive for the relationship because it leads to a couple of unhappy scenarios. He is oblivious and thinks he's a great lover, while she's harboring deep resentment and sadness because of unfulfilled needs. Or another scenario is that she loses interest in sex because it isn't satisfying for her. This puts the relationship at risk of infidelity. Neither partner is aware that her interest could be renewed if sex was more rewarding for her.
In either scenario intimacy and connection is lost and the quality of the relationship erodes over time. Ultimately this leads to many problems in the relationship.
Sometimes the woman is brave enough to mention it to her lover, but he takes it personally and gets defensive. So she backs off and says nothing. You would be surprised how many men really don't know what their woman needs sexually.
For the woman to have satisfying orgasms the man must be open to learning and have a willingness to listen without becoming defensive. The woman must explore her own body, tune into what she needs emotionally and physically and be willing to share it with her partner. Communication is of the utmost importance.
Orgasm Secrets #2 - Relationship
Achieving orgasm for the woman is a very different process than for the man. It involves attention to more facets of the relationship.
For women, sex is not only a physical act in a certain time and space, but it is emotional as well and all aspects of the relationship will impact how receptive she is and how satisfying it will be for her. Her day to day interactions with her lover are very significant to her arousal, desire and pleasure. Trust, emotions and intimacy are very important for a woman to be able enjoy sex.
Sometimes a woman can't reach orgasm because something is missing in the relationship emotionally or on a commitment level. Perhaps she doesn't trust him enough or feel connected enough to let go.
Perhaps the intimacy level is not deep enough or she has some doubts about him or the relationship.
If there is unresolved conflict or hurt feelings this can interfere in her ability to orgasm.
Sometimes the woman doesn't feel confident enough in herself or the relationship and is afraid to relax and really go after what she needs to reach orgasm.
Adequate foreplay is absolutely essential for the woman to achieve orgasm. Take your time. Lovemaking for the woman needs to be a long, slow sensual dance.
Understanding these basic orgasm secrets is your first defense in achieving a more satisfying and pleasurable sexual experience for both partners and for improving the quality of your relationship on the whole.
After mastering these core issues, the best and most pleasurable way to give your woman an orgasm is through oral sex. It is by far the easiest and quickest method and provides the most intense orgasms. Unfortunately many men do not understand the woman's body enough to give her cunnilingus in the manner that she needs. So I recommend you take a look at Lick by Lick. This is a comprehensive manual that will teach you everything you need to know to give your woman mind blowing orgasms and be the incredible lover you desire to be.