Many of the factors contributing to passionate sex have nothing to do
with the sexual act itself. It is much more than a specific
technique, setting the mood with music or candles, the perfect
position, or a hot new toy. All these things are great tools for
couples, but they alone will not create passion.
There are a few basic keys that need to be in place to set a good
foundation first. They are as follows:
1. Passion Dwindles
The first thing that's important for couples to understand is that it
is inevitable that passion will decrease over time. When lovers
settle into the comfort and stability of a long term relationship it is
natural and normal for it to change and become less intense. You
can expect that boredom will occur.
You haven't done anything wrong, your relationship is not a failure or
in trouble. However, it can get into trouble if you allow this
pattern to continue without being willing to take steps to keep passion
alive.
Love may remain constant, but passion comes and goes in waves. It
needs fuel in order to stay alive. To sustain passion over time
takes work, creativity and commitment. It requires a conscious
decision from each partner to make it a priority.
By being aware of this issue you empower yourself to protect your
relationship from deterioration that can occur from lack of passion and
sexual boredom.
It's best to know this ahead of time and start working on your
relationship before your passion has faded away completely, however if
it has evaporated, it's never too late, it may just take a little more
work.
A really great tool for couples to use in their quest for more
passionate sex is
"The
Lovemaking Smorgasbord - A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion &
Fidelity." It's thoughtfully designed to nurture the sexual
needs of both men and women.
2. Intimacy
One of the most essential ingredients for passionate sex is
intimacy. Intimacy creates more passionate sex and sex that is more
passionate connects your more deeply, thus you create a reciprocal
effect that creates a circle of enhanced intimacy and more enjoyable
lovemaking.
In the beginning of a new relationship most couples experience very
passionate sex. Just the thought of your lover can send waves of
desire through your loins. This is largely the result of chemistry and
novelty. It's always exciting exploring unknown territory. Over time
chemistry and novelty wear off and thus passion diminishes. They no
longer work the magic they once did.
As a couple builds a life together, life happens and passion gets
buried or lost under things like stress, taking care of children,
conflicts, work, daily hassles etc. Pretty soon you're too busy,
too exhausted etc.
Many couples fall into the pattern of just going through the
motions. They pass each other in the bathroom or the hallway with
a peck on the lips, they exchange a couple sentences as each one shoves
a sandwich down their throat. They sleep in the same bed, but hardly
know one another.
Their relationship becomes shallow and falls prey to pseudo intimacy.
Take time to be (really) together. Eat dinner together, wash dishes
together, lay on a blanket in the yard and look at the stars.
Really talk about your day and share yourself deeply and
completely. Have fun together.
This doesn't mean that you don't have your own life or identity, as a
matter of fact the stronger your own identity the more passion you can
have. Give each other space to pursue your own interests.
This keeps you interesting and attractive to your partner. The old
saying absence makes the heart grow fonder carries some truth.
You need to miss each other now and then. Too much time together
can stifle passion. Not enough can stifle it too. There
needs to be a balance.
You can't have passionate sex without meaning and connection. The
more meaningful and connected you are to your lover the more passionate
the sex will be.
Can you have passionate sex with a stranger, yes, of course, but that's
because it's new and unique. But, if you were to continue having
sex with this person and develop a relationship, in time it too would
become less passionate as the newness wears off. You'd have to
move onto a new partner again and again and again to keep having
passionate sex without intimacy and connection. Unfortunately many
people fall into a pattern of moving from one partner to another to
find passion again instead of working on their current relationship.
3. Communication
One of the issues I hear the most from couples that I consult with is
that they don't really communicate.
Many couples aren't being honest with their partner in regard to sexual
matters. They are afraid or uncomfortable to be up front about
what they need to be pleasured. They avoid discussions about their sex
life.
Some people hide their true turn ons, desires and fantasies, because
they fear rejection or ridicule or feel too vulnerable.
If their partner doesn't satisfy them adequately, they keep it to
themselves and go with unmet needs.
Each partner must be open and honest about what pleases them. If
you don't communicate, you can't be pleasured, and if your not
satisfied you certainly won't be having passionate sex.
Revealing your sexual needs, desires, turn ons and fantasies is one of
the best ways to increase intimacy. Their is nothing more
intimate you can share with your lover. When couples find the courage
to share this part of themselves and be truthful with their partner,
they witness amazing depth in intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
4. Resolve Conflict
Another very common scenario I find in couples I consult with is that
they are afraid of confrontation and conflict. They carry around
a great deal of unresolved conflict. They avoid confrontation at
all costs.
This is a major passion killer.
If you're angry with your partner, or hurt, you're not going to
experience passionate sex. On the other hand, if you express
these feelings to your partner and they acknowledge them and say
they're sorry then the flames of passion will blaze again.
Confronting conflict will not destroy your relationship. Avoiding
confrontation and letting unresolved conflict build up year after year
will.
Face problems head on, honestly. Don't let hurt feelings or anger
to build. Express them and deal with them as each one
occurs. This creates more intimacy and deepens the relationship.
Don't take one another for granted. How you treat each other
outside the bedroom is very important to how passionate your sex will
be. You can't just hop into bed and have passion appear out of no
where. It must be nurtured on a daily basis in all areas of your
relationship.
5. Be Bold, Daring and Adventurous.
Keep the mysterious, novel and unexpected alive in your relationship
and passion will automatically ensue.
Surprise your lover with the unexpected. Be bold and present them
with an ever changing menu of adventurous sexual activities.
Don't be afraid to be daring and step out of the comfort zone.
Keep your partner always guessing. Remember when you first met how
exciting it was exploring the new and unknown territory? Not
knowing what to expect made you aroused, attracted and
passionate. Respond to them in a different way, initiate an
encounter in a daring and unique way.
Intrigue your lover by being mysterious and unpredictable in the
bedroom.
You can find hundreds of tips and ideas to help you be a more daring
and adventurous lover and have more passionate sex in
"The Lovemaking
Smorgasbord." From the naughty to the nice there's a little
something for every mood.
Master these basic keys for more passionate sex and you will have a
relationship that is strong, exciting and resistant to the destructive
forces of sexual boredom
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